You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
