If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
