When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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