Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
