If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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