I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Shame is for Republicans.
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