is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
either way he was missing a nipple.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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