I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
