so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
