all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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