this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
