My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
