well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
