All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
