Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
