I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
