filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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