I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
