I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I intend to get homeless drunk
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
