there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
