I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
