girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
