You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
