so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
