At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
