That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just tell him i said nine months
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
