i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
