just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
