I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
