what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Come see our sink grown plant.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
