my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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