I am puke
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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