Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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