Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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