I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
