Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Enjoy the penises
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
