Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
