Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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