So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
