Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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