The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
