She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
