I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
