Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
