When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
