If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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