i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your penis caused this!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
