david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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