I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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