Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
