She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Watching her eat just hurts me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Randomize
