Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
